Sleep Deprivation -- A whole new level

I have thought a number of times in my life that I was genuinely sleep deprived.  Perhaps I was.  But nothing like this.  I was talking it over with my mom, and she brought up the 6 to 8 months or so after my thyroid went out but before I finally went to the doctor to get it figured out.  Hum...yes, why that was worse.  But I was sleeping tons.  So I'm not counting it as the same thing.

On Friday Brighton will be 5 weeks old.  She is adorable, growing like a weed, can put herself to sleep on her own, and eats like a champ.  I cannot begin to put into words how in looooove I am with her.

That being said.  Let's just put it out there.  Girlfriend still has her days and nights hopelessly utterly confused.  To her credit, she was like this in the womb too.  But seriously.  Most days she sleeps like its her job all day long.  I have to wake her up at least 80% of the time to get her to nurse, and then it is a family battle to keep her awake for 10 min. afterward, let alone 45 min or so before her next nap.  Yesterday, she had an awake cycle in which I never even saw her eyes.  Not from the time I woke her up, nursed her, changed her, burped her, played with her until I gave up.

Night time, though.  Night time is another story.  On average, homegirl wakes up between every hour and 45 min. to 3 hours all night long.  This is length of time since she last started nursing, mind you.  Not how long she actually slept.  Occasionally, and by occasionally I mean maybe 5 times in her life she has made it to or past the 4 hour mark.  So once I have fed her, put her back to bed, waited for her to decide to fall asleep (which can take a while since she clearly wants to be awake for a while in the bed since she hasn't been awake all day long), and then finally quieted my brain enough to get to sleep...I've got between 45 min. to an hour and half to sleep myself.  I think in the 5 weeks she's been here I've slept for almost 4 hours 3 or 4 times.  Max.  ( I think I lost a couple of the other longer stretches of sleep to anxiety that she wouldn't sleep that kept me awake...sigh.)

This level of exhaustion, which I see as completely normal for a newborn, or even the first few weeks, has worn me quite thin by this point.  Earlier in the week, while Brighton had a poop explosion, sans diaper, on the changing table this sleep deprived mama managed to get poop all over my mouth.  How?!?! Gross!  What?!?!  Yes.  How.  What!

I was so worn out and busy feeling sorry for myself once that happened that I started to cry.  I had wiped what I thought was all the poop off my hand/arm, but was mostly focused on trying to get a new diaper onto this poop machine precious child.  Hence, when my nose started running from the crying, I reached up and wiped my hand across my face.  Smearing poop on my lips and my nose in the process.  Then the hysteria set in.

I did manage to change her diaper and run screaming crying with her through the house to pass her off to my hubby before tearing back through the house to the bathroom to wash my face, hands, arm, brush teeth etc. Eventually I calmed down.  But seriously?!  That sort of oversight...the smear poop on  your own face kind.  That wouldn't happen unless sleep was pretty much non existent.  And we haven't even cracked open the door on I have a two year old in addition to this sweet new little bundle!

Today was better.  She was awake for all but one of her awake times.  And so my hopes are high for tonight.  And I can't just complain.  I mean, my hubby is right there with me.  And he blesses me by giving her a bottle every few days so I can just sleep for 2 hours.  Praise Jesus this little girl doesn't seem to have the disdain for bottles that her sister had!  And even though I feel completely lame for asking for or accepting help over a month after she's been born, we are still receiving regular meals from my wonderful church family.  Seriously don't know how I'd do it without all the love and support we've had from our family and friends.

All the same, I am so ready for this child to sleep at night.  She's improving.  For a week or so there she was screaming bloody murder whenever she got put directly back down at night without time to be up like she wanted. I mean, this girl has a level of mad I've not seen Lorien display.  She's gotten over that,  thank God. It was torture.  For us, and her I'm sure.  But now she puts herself to sleep like a charm.  Great first step to sleeping through the night...or so one would think.

We've had a couple of other setbacks.  Like copious nighttime spitting up.  That's an understatement.  Emptying her poor tummy all over herself.  Which required a full scrub down and change of linens, clothes, etc.  We elevated the head of her crib mattress and bit and that has seemed to solve that problem.  Now...we're just waiting for her to catch on and sleep.  Like a champ.  Come on, girl.  Sleeping for a 5 hour stretch shouldn't be no thang for you!  You're big, healthy, growing.

Let's sleep.  So we can get back to real life.  I know you can do it, lovebug!

ok.  disclaimer time.  if this isn't cohesive, I apologize.  I sort of forgot the point mid way through, and couldn't manage to remember for the life of me exactly where it was I was going...but I guess that is in keeping with the exhaustion theme...so there ya go.  Feel free to join us in prayers for Brighton to right this sleep wrong and God to give us wisdom on how to lead her there!  Now, off to go nurse for the last time before hoping for a big sleep! Cheers! :)